We’ve all heard of it. And no doubt, like me, your mind goes straight to those big scary things like shark attacks, spiders crawling on your face at night, ‘those’ conversations with people, creepy noises at night, death, you know, the usual scary stuff.
It’s time to consider how fear has shaped your life.
And we’re not talking those big old obvious fears I’ve just mentioned. We’re talking those everyday fears that keep you stuck where you are, in your comfort zone.
FEAR is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat which ultimately causes a change in behavior.
If your life currently isn’t all that you thought it would crack up to be, it’s highly likely (I can pretty much guarantee) that it all comes down to what you fear and how much you fear it.
Fear is keeping you stuck where you are, within your comfort zone, and the only way forward to the life that you’re after, is to take a big breath, step forward and bust through those fears. And you’ll find you have no choice in this when…
“…the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
- Tony Robbins
Let’s use my life as exhibit A, B, C and D.
You’ll see below that for every positive change I made in creating the life I now have, I first really hated where I was at (hello Quarter Life Crisis), faced the fear that was keeping me there and took action to bust through that aspect of my comfort zone.
The other awesome thing to note is…
“If you don’t step out of your comfort zone and face your fears, the number of situations that make you uncomfortable will keep growing”
- Theo Pistorius
So welcome fear. It’s telling, or sometimes forcing you, in the direction that you really need to be heading. I suggest you pay attention now or you’re just going to get more and more uncomfortable where you are until you decide to take action.
So anyway, back to my life examples…
There is so much fear that arises around relationship for most people and it totally has been like this for me. In THIS post I talk all about how I didn’t totally love my friends back during my Quarter Life Crisis. They were not at all who I should’ve been spending my time with (for a variety of reasons covered in the post) but I continued for quite some time to spend my time with them because I, both had a ton of fear, and it took me ages to get to that stage of uncomfortableness to take action.
My fears when it came to giving up these friends:
Giving them up as friends would mean that I would be a friendless loser.
This wasn’t even remotely true as I soon discovered there were a ton of amazing people in my life that I now had the time to spend with.
I would perhaps someday regret that I hadn’t kept these people in my life.
10ish years on and no, no regrets here (and as far as I’m aware they’re no longer friends with each other anyway…).
I was scared what the repercussions would be.
Like would they key my car, publish all the embarrassing stuff they knew about me on social media, somehow get it out to the world that I sucked as a person?So, they didn’t really seem to care that I didn’t want to be friends anymore. Life just continued, drama free.
And in terms of boyfriends. Well, for me that was one big fat HELLO to fear. No wonder it took me so long to find my husband! I was OVERFLOWING with fear. I spend a good decade either single or in long term relationship with guys that were epic red flags. When I eventually had enough of being a professional third wheel with my married up friends, I decided to make a concerted effort to turn my love life around. Within only a few months of busting through the fears below, I met my now husband. Coincidence? Nope.
These were those fears and how I busted through them.
I would never really find lasting love.
I decided that if ‘not so epic Jane’ down the road could find lasting love, I for sure must have a shot at it. Not to put Jane down or anything, but this comparison really helped me…If she can do it, why can’t I?
And even if I didn’t find love, would that be sooooooo bad? I could come to terms with it if I had to and fill my life with everything I loved instead. Which PS is an incredibly healthy way to approach relationships anyway and is exactly what I did. Husband or not, I’ll have a life that makes me happy.
I’d end up with the wrong guy (AGAIN!!!) that would break my heart.
Or, I could put myself out there and finally find the right guy or at least learn what I was actually looking for. I’d never know if I didn’t try. I had also had my heart broken enough to know that life does go on. And I would FOR SURE never find the right guy if I didn’t keep trying.
People would think I was a loser if I put myself out there by trying out dating apps/sites and asking people to set me up with any/all of their single friends.
The whole, ‘OMG I met my husband randomly at the grocery store when we brushed hands going for the same apple’ just didn’t seem to be happening. Being cool and waiting for him to come to me wasn’t working and if I wanted something to happen, I knew I’d have to suck it up and REALLY get out there whatever way available to me. I knew a bunch of actually normal people who met their husbands on Tinder, so I had proof it might actually work.
And also, what’s so shameful about wanting love and using all available means to get it? Isn’t that desperate? Not if your life is full of everything that you love as mine was, so you don’t have that ‘needy’ vibe synonymous with those desperate for love. I set myself up to be happy regardless.
The awkwardness of first dates and making a fool of myself.
This was EPIC. As a recovered painfully shy child I have never loved putting myself into potentially awkward situations where I’m for sure about to be judged. Who really does though? The only way around this for me was again acknowledging that I wouldn’t find love if I avoided first dates. And what really did I have to lose? If it all turns shockingly horrible, who really cares? I’ll likely never seem him again and I get an awesome story to laugh over will all my friends.
So yeah, I had WHOLE LOTTA fear to work through with this issue and work through it I did. I put myself out there like there was no tomorrow (obv in a totally non slutty way!) and had a WHOLE LOTTA fun. I kid you not, turning my love life around actually ended up being genuine fun. I went on dates in all kinds of restaurants and bars I never would have gone to, met a bunch of interesting people and even went on the most epic overseas holiday with one guy I dated. And I learned how to ROCK first dates…not that that matters now anyway!
Enough about me. Let’s turn this to you now…
Where in your life are you uncomfortable and really want to change?
What are the fears keeping you where you are?
What action can you take to break on through these fears and get out of your comfort zone?