How NOT to go about changing your life

It’s all very well and good to be talking about all the cool mindset transforming stuff you can do in order to change your life into the awesome one you know you deserve (head HERE if you want some more info on that!) but I thought it might be time to address the DON’TS. You know, the things you might be doing, thinking they will have some super cool impact on your life, but are actually having the opposite affect.

So here it is, how not to go about changing your life:

  1. Don’t focus on the external stuff

My Quarter Life Crisis lasted about a decade because ALL I focused on was changing the career I didn’t love, the job that made me bored, the friends that weren’t particularly healthy for me, the lack of a decent boyfriend and spending my time doing crap that just didn’t make me happy i.e. in epic victim mode.

Those external circumstances weren’t the problem, it was my internal state or my mindset that was. No matter how much effort I put into changing these circumstances, I never seemed to make any progress at all because I wasn’t addressing the real problem.

To make matters worse I didn’t realize that focusing so intently on this stuff would only ensure that my life became even more full of this stuff I wasn’t loving. And that’s exactly what happened.

It wasn’t until I finally learned that your life is a complete reflection of what’s going on inside your mind and changed my focus accordingly that things started to change. And OMG the changes that took place happened in the most stress free, struggle free, relaxed most awesome way.

Once I committed to giving this a go, it was seriously only months before I had a new job, a new boyfriend (now husband) and was planning and epic move to the country (read more about my story HERE). Yup, my life totally, completely and 100% transformed because of shifting my focus in this way.

2. Don’t force things

This is all about remembering and actually living life from the inside out. Once you’re putting your focus on what’s happening inside your mind as opposed to your external circumstances you’ll realize that the whole need to control things, push and force things to get the outcomes you want is a ridiculous waste of time and energy.

Relax and take the action you’re inspired to take (as opposed to the action you think you need to take) and life will unfold in the most spectacular way.

3. Don’t ignore yourself

This is all about staying true to who YOU are. You know yourself better than you think you do and can answer all your own epic question about your life and what you should be doing with it.

So don’t go dating someone, choosing careers, staying in the job you hate just because your mom or some other well meaning family member or friend told you too. You’ll never be happy doing that.

4. Don’t try and be perfect

Because it won’t ever happen and you’ll just be disappointed and hate on yourself. The name of this game is SELF-LOVE. And this means love yourself. Love what you’ve done to get yourself where you are now, love every attempt you make to improve your life, love every mistake you make because they are only making you better. We all fall, say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing and it’s how you treat yourself in those moments that matters the most.

5. Don’t give up

I get it. This work can seem really hard and confusing and complicated and annoying at first. There will for sure be part of you that wants to throw it all in and just be happy with a life that isn’t the one you really want.

Do that and I assure you that you’re only going to come back to this place again and again and again until you learn these lessons. You’re reading these words right now because you’re supposed to. There is something in what I have to say that you need to learn on your path to make your life the most epic it can be.

So don’t give up (there’s no point because life won’t let you). Stick your head down, your bum up and get to work improving your mindset and the way that you’re approaching your life so it can be what you want and deserve.

The importance of your perspective

“When you change the way you look at things, what you look at changes”
- Wayne Dyer

Yup, you can change your life by changing your perspective.

I know when I first heard this quote, I was all ‘well, duh’ and went on my less than merry way, continuing to live my not so epic life. Superficially, I get this quote does sound a little simplistic, if not obvious, but there a big old awesome lesson in there regarding your mindset and the way you approach your life.

Your mindset, perspective, perception, approach to life, whatever you want to call it, is insanely powerful when it comes to the life you’re now living. Every single passing second YOU get to decide how you feel and what you do in response to everything happening in your life…and it is this that determines your future.

Hello, you almighty creator, you!

Even when the deeper meaning of this quote finally hit me, I still resisted. It seems so backwards and stupid to act as thought you like the life that you don’t like, in order to get the one that you do. To be honest, it made me mad.

And I wanted to be mad and blame someone/something/whatever for where I was finding myself (oh and PS, if you want to know more about my story, check it out HERE). It was a whole lot easier to resolve myself of any responsibility for my own life and play the victim of my circumstances.

On a bit of a side note, it’s a super powerful thing to ask yourself what you’re getting out of staying where you are now in life. There is 100% some kind of pay off that’s keeping you exactly where you are. Mine was clearly that I didn’t have to step up, do the work and be responsible for my life.

Taking responsibility for your life is scary. It means admitting that you got yourself where you are now and recognizing that there’s likely a ton of inner work that you need to do to get it all back on track. When I realized this, not going to lie, it seemed like an insurmountable, exhausting task. Also not going to lie, it was a lot of inner/mindset work that got me where I am now but I’d do that any day over continuing to live the life I was previously living.

So let’s get down to the practicalities of all this.

It’s really worthwhile realizing that every single person in the world will have a different perspective of the same event. We all choose how we see things. Let’s say you experience a ‘rude’ waitress. If someone else was the have the same experience with that waitress they may not think she was rude at all, someone else might call her out on it, someone else might wonder if she’s ok and ask her, someone else might complain to her manager, someone else might stand up and leave, someone else might refuse to tip her, someone else might give her a giant hug...

It’s all up to us how we respond to everything that happens to us in our lives. There is no right or wrong way, no fact, no justification…it’s all just your mindset or perspective and the awesome thing is that you control that

…you control your life.

Let’s now use my life as an example. How about my previous job? So, it bored me to tears. The work was ok but I just couldn’t see where I was going with it so it just seemed like a bit of a life waster. I counted down the days to the weekend and then spend Sunday in dread for the week ahead. No really how I want to live my life.

When this whole idea of changing the way I was approaching my life finally clicked with me (aka I realized that I was all out of any other options), I decided to give this mindset and perspective shift a go. I went to work with a new mission, and that was to love my job. I decided to really love all the people, all aspects of the job itself, the conversations, the food we ate, the fun, the laughter, the team work, the money I got paid for it and the fact that it was a job that other people aspired to have. No joke, but I seriously started to get excited about going to work, just so I could find things about it to love.

About a month after I started doing this, a guy I had worked with on a project tells me he’s leaving and I should apply for his job. It wasn’t something I usually would’ve really considered but I threw caution to the wind and applied and despite thinking I bombed the interview I was offered the position. I LOVED it. And only a few weeks into this job I was literally handed an even higher paying, way more fun version of that job…I met my dream job and I loved her.

This is ALL because I turned around the way that I was approaching my old job. And I know had I not done this, I’d still be in that job. There are examples everywhere you look of people that complain endlessly but for some reason seem to stay and stay and stay and stay and stay in them. Why???? Because their mindset sucks.

And if you still don’t believe me, then I dare you to give this a go. Whatever you don’t love about your life, spend the next month super committed to loving it and just see what happens… and then of course come and tell me because I LOVE hearing your stories.

Oh and if you’re wondering what other awesome life changing strategies I’ve got up my sleeve, then check out 8 Strategies to Overhaul Your Mindset & Transform Your Life.

The benefits of ACTION

It’s all well and good to understand the theory of things.

Like that your fears are keeping you stuck inside your cozy, safe little comfort zone and that in order to have the epically awesome life that you want, then you need to face those fears and bust through your comfort zone. That’s a truth that a lot of you I’m sure have heard before in one way or another…hopefully from me in the last few weeks! Oh, and if you haven’t, fear not, you can catch up on all of this HERE.

It’s one thing to know this about your comfort zone, but something differently entirely putting into practice in your life through action.

Where are you right now…have you got the theory down but are still paralyzed when it comes to taking action and doing what will ACTUALLY change your life?

Another way to ask that question would be asking how committed you are to creating the epic, awesome life that you want. Committed enough to do what might seem rather scary at the moment?

It isn’t until you take action, like actually take physical action, that any of this theory will do you any good. You can read and ponder and read some more and fool yourself into thinking that just because you know this stuff, your life will improve as a result.

It won’t. I tried that.

Failure to act on what you know will change your life is just procrastination, laziness, avoiding responsibility and letting fear run your life.

As the self-proclaimed queen of the Quarter Life Crisis (read all about that HERE), there was a decade there where I found my life to be a big waste of my life. I spent every weekday counting down to the weekend, only to spend Sunday living in dread of the week ahead. I was disconnected, frustrated and at a loss why my life no longer had the excitement, fun and happiness that it had so heavily featured until adulthood.

I hit a super duper low point when the guy I was convinced was my future husband completely disappeared on me after 3 months of dating (yeah, not that surprising really!). And it was at this point that I stumbled across mindfulness and learned that by changing my approach to life, my life would change. It wasn’t long till I pretty much put my life on hold for 6 months to spend every spare second I head learning EVERYTHING I possibly could about this new way of thinking.

It wasn’t till I took a moment to reflect that the huge of information I now knew about mindfulness hadn’t changed my life at all. And it was all because I was living my life day to day the exact same way I always had. I decided that moment that if I ever wanted the life I knew I deserved then I had to go actually live it.

It was time for seriously MASSIVE action and I was rewarded insanely quickly with the changes in my life I had only dreamed of until then. My dream job pretty much fell into my lap, a found an amazing new boyfriend (who is now my husband) and fairly quickly had plans to move to the country to be with him where I’ve never been happier.

“Action is the foundational key to all success.” 
– Pablo Picasso

Not to mention the fact that that just taking this action made me feel seriously alive for the first time in years. I felt like I was finally myself in the most happy, empowered, confident, unstoppable and fun loving version possible.

If my story hasn’t quite convinced you how amazing taking action can be for one’s life then here are the benefits of action neatly laid out for you:

  1. You will stop wasting your time

    Sitting around in indecision, doing nothing new will get you nothing but more of the same. Make a decision to take action (and ACTUALLY take it) and all of a sudden you’re heading somewhere. Not sure what action to take? DO ANYTHING, it really doesn’t matter. Do something you love, you have mad skills in, whatever your passionate about. It really doesn’t matter because as you start moving forward you’ll find that you’ll end up exactly where you need to be. It literally is magic!

  2. Action brings clarity

    This follows on from the point above that it seriously does not matter what action you decide to take, you WILL end up where you’re wanting to be. It’s all about failing forward, failing often and failing fast. And just so you’re aware, failure isn’t what you think it is, it is seriously just an opportunity to learn. That’s the thing, you take action, you either get the result you’re after or you learn some epic lesson that will still get you to the result you’re after.

    Here’s a super simple example. You decide you want a raise. You randomly meet your boss in the elevator and decide why not, I’ll ask her now for a raise. She says, ‘this is a super inappropriate way to ask for a raise, how about we talk some other time.’ So getting the raise was a bit of a fail but you just learnt how to go about asking so that next time you get it. Hello clarity!

  3. You’ll learn some epic lessons

    It really is one thing to understand that living in your comfort zone is holding you back and a completely different thing to do something about that in your own life. It is only when you put something into practice that you REALLY understand how and why it works for you and therefore how you can continue to progress towards the awesome life you’re after.

  4. A new perspective and a whole lot of confidence

    Taking action is the only way to really start living your life in a new and awesome way. It’s stepping out of the fear and indecision that are keeping you stuck where you are and when you take those first steps a whole new world will open up for you. Each step you take will also give you increasing amounts of confidence, power and all kinds of amazing feelings and it’s those feelings that are EXACTLY what you need to change your life.

I 100% get it though that the first step can be and really is the scariest to take. I know that feeling of indecision, fear of ‘failure’ and just having no idea where to go or what to do. I’ve been there and I know it completely sucks.

And it’s because I know how much it sucks that I’m so totally passionate and obsessed with helping anyone and everyone that is stuck where I was create their most awesome lives while having a ton of fun in the process.

Which is also why I’ve got a bit of a free challenge starting on the 11th March, 5 Days to Freedom, which will give you all the support, guidance and encouragement you need to start taking the baby steps that no joke have the potential to lead you to a whole new awesome life. Oh and did I mention it’s free?!? Yay!

Sign up HERE because it’s going to be awesome, so awesome that I’ll even be doing the challenge along with you (I get epic FOMO and I know how powerful this stuff can be at any stage of your life!). Hope to see you there because this is one epic opportunity to get your life headed in the direction you want it to be going.

Much love,
Emily xx

5 Reasons to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

For the last few weeks I’ve been chatting a ton about how fear can keep you locked safely within your comfort zone…and in a life that you’re not loving (catch up on all my previous posts HERE).

If you’re after massive life transformation then I hate to break it to you, but you’re NEVER EVER going to get it until you recognize how fear is holding you back and take the action required to get over it.

And if you need a little more convincing, because yes, the idea of facing your fears may not be particularly pleasant (though it does get waaaaaaay better I promise) then read on…

Here are the top 5 reasons (there are about 100000 more I could list…) why getting out of your comfort zone and smashing through your fears is THE BEST thing you’ll ever do for yourself:

  1. You’ll gain clarity

    If you’re anything like me when I was all stuck in my Quarter Life Crisis, you may be feeling insanely lost and confused about where you should be headed in life, let alone how to get there. I was paralyzed by indecision and as a result stayed exactly where I was in life, just getting a heap more frustrated, annoyed and disappointed with myself as the days, weeks and years progressed.

    It wasn’t until I hit the lowest point of my QLC (read more about that HERE if you so choose to) that I just said f!@# it, something has to change. I knew I had to start DOING something so threw myself at anything and everything that came my way; dance classes, random invitations out to places I usually wouldn’t have gone, dating like a champion, golf lessons, horse riding, going out alone, making new friends…you name it, I tried it.

    It was through this seemingly random action that I started to get the clarity I so badly needed about what I really wanted from life and how to get it. I started just following what seemed like my whims, but gradually I could see more specific opportunities come my way…like a project at work that led to a change in my job that led to my dream job or the pile of dates with ok guys, to the one where I met my now husband, which led to a move to the country with him where I’ve never been happier.

    Decide to take action, don’t over think it, just get out there are start doing stuff you wouldn’t usually do or keep putting off. Take whatever opportunities come your way because I promise you, you cannot predict the all kinds of awesome that will happen when you approach life this way. Life wants to unfold in the most epic way ever if you give it a chance to. But YOU have to start living it first.

  2. You’ll feel amazing

    Think back to being a kid and how awesome it felt when you first went the whole way across the monkey bars, worked out a long division problem in math (that one stillllll eludes me…), performed the lead role in the school play, learnt how to swim, went on your first date, got your driver's licence, the list goes on...

    Life back then was always full of firsts and new challenges and subsequently the high and all the awesome feelings associated with mastering something new and doing yourself proud.

    Getting outside your comfort zone will do the exact same thing for you now.

    It’s the fastest way to find new love for yourself, be proud of who you are and what you’ve accomplished, feel alive, empowered and like you can conquer the world. Oh and did I mention how much FUN it is too?!?!?! Because it can be the most fun ever, if you let it.

  3. You’ll welcome change

    Life is all about change. If you’re currently stuck in a life you’re not loving and you want something better, then you’re going to have to start welcoming change. And getting outside your comfort zone is welcoming change with your arms wide open. It’s finally declaring that you’re ready for the epic life you’ve been waiting for.

    Meeting your fears head on you will learn pretty quickly that there really isn’t anything to fear (except fear itself because that what keeps you in a crap life, thanks Roosevelt). You’ll find that every fear you tackle brings you some awesome new opportunity and that failure isn’t a thing if you don’t want it to be, it’s just an opportunity to grow.

    Once you seek these challenges you’ll find the way that you handle life’s ups and downs changes completely. You will be more resilient, confident and prepared. You will know you can tackle anything that comes your way and you’ll be set up for life.

  4. You’ll be epic

    Getting outside your comfort zone is how epic people become epic. This is because challenging yourself is the fastest way to grow.

    “A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there.”

    Consider your life currently living within you comfort zone? How epic is it? I’m guessing not very, which is why you’re reading this post.

    Think about all the cool people in the world that have done crazy amazing things; Richard Branson, Henry Ford, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, J.K Rowling, Serena Williams… Do you think that any of these people achieved what they have from staying within their comfort zone, playing safe, caring what other people thought of them or staying within societal expectations?

    Every wildly successful, or even moderately successful person takes risks and pushes themselves outside what they consider comfortable. They get comfortable being uncomfortable.

  5. You’ll end up closer to the life you want

    “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

    All of the four reasons above combine to bring you a whole lot closer to the awesome life that you’re after. Getting outside your comfort zone will throw you into the path of amazing new opportunities that weren’t previously available to you. As you meet each challenge you set yourself, your confidence will grow and if you continue to raise the bar higher, your life will improve exponentially.

If any of these reasons sound vaguely appealing to you then OMG you’re in luck because I happen to have created a FREE 5 DAY comfort zone smashing challenge, 5 Days to Freedom, that will not only have you feeling like the BEST and most EMPOWERED version of yourself, it will have you powering towards a life filled with all the fun and happiness you know your life can and should be giving you.

You just wait for the results.

When I set myself a similar challenge a few years ago, it seriously was only months till I landed my dream job, had an amazing new boyfriend (now my husband) and plans to move to the country where I am now and have never been so happy!

Not to mention the fact that I felt ALIVE for the first time in years. I felt like I was finally myself in the most happy, empowered, confident, unstoppable and fun loving version possible.

Because I get epic FOMO and I know how powerful this stuff can be, I’m going to be doing the challenge along with you all. I also get that getting out of your comfort zone can be a little scary so I’ve set up a Facebook Group for the challenge where we can have epic chats and a whole lot of fun doing it all together!

So…now’s your chance to take the plunge, step outside your comfort zone and start powering into the awesome life I know you want. Sign up HERE and totally grab a friend, or two, or more and sign them up too…let’s make this thing HUGE!

My biggest fear…

I’ve been chatting quite a bit recently about fear and how it can massively hold you back in life. I know first hand how hard it can be to recognize how fear is holding you back in your own life so I’m hoping that by sharing one of my own biggest fears, how I recognized it, what I did to overcome it and how dramatically my life then changed, it might help you to do the same.

Let’s get down to it. So in my 36 years of life, the biggest and most restrictive fear I’ve ever had:

was that I would never have the life that I really wanted.

This was during my 20s/early 30s (or what I like to call my Quarter Life Crisis decade) that I lived totally and completely under the shadow of this fear. I was scared that I’d never meet ‘the one’, get married, have kids and the family life that I enjoyed growing up, find work I was passionate about and live with the sense of freedom that only exists when life just feels right.

I let this fear run my life.

I saw everyone around me all married up, doing all those adult things together that I wanted to do with someone, genuinely loving their work, where they lived and every aspect of their lives.

I was constantly wondering how they got everything they wanted and I had such an empty, meaningless life. What was wrong with me? Was I sick the day they taught some secret life lesson at school? I felt like I was waiting ever so patiently for my actual life to show up, but where the f@#$ was it already?????

I had a constant feeling of being some left out loser, looking in on the life I wanted but never actually getting it. These feelings of disappointment, frustration and confusion only made my fear worse and gave me sheer panic at the thought that what I had would be my life forever.

How I recognized it

Meeting life with the mindset I had only made things even worse. Life is a damn good teacher though and sent me someone who I was 100% convinced was my future husband.

FINALLY I thought it was my turn.

So when he totally disappeared on me 3 months later, I hit a really low point and was forced into taking a step back to really examine my approach to life.

Never was it so true that,

‘When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

And life, along with about 100000 books, podcasts and conversations with epic people that just kept finding their way to me and popping up at the exact second I needed guidance or a particular question answered, helped me realize the error of my ways.

I had heard of all this mindfulness, woo-woo, manifestation, mumbo jumbo before but had always discounted it as crap and not for ‘normal’ people like me. At the low point of my Quarter Life Crisis I realized I could continue to live a life that felt like banging my head against a wall or I could finally listen to this rather insistent message I was getting, overhaul my mindset and live the life of my dreams.

What I did to overcome it

The biggest lesson I learned in the 6 months where I completely immerse myself in every bit of this mindfulness, woo-woo, manifestation, mumbo jumbo was acceptance, genuine acceptance of my life as it was.

This meant staring that fear that I would never have the life I really wanted square in the face and saying that I would be ok if that was the case.

I’d be ok if I never got married, I lived in my one bedroom apartment alone for the next 50 years, I worked in the same job and had the same life for all the years to come. I would be happy if all that happened.

This was HUGE for me.

I fought this tooth and nail. I got angry, frustrated, mad. I wanted to shove life right in the front teeth for making me do this.

And then I did it anyway.

I started oh so small. I wrote lists of gratitude for the stuff that happened that day. The sun, my apartment, someone smiling at me, my clothes, my friends, my family, the food I ate, the laughter I had, the people I worked with, the car I drove, the roads I drove on, the freedom I had, my computer, electricity, running water, pretty flowers I saw, a shady tree. You name it, I got grateful for it.

And slowly my mindset did change and I started to approach life with love, rather than fear.

Don’t get me wrong, I still had days where I was just plain mad that I had to learn this lesson, when everyone else seem to automatically get given what they wanted on a silver platter, no questions ask. But I persisted because I could now see the power this action could have to change my life. Not to mention the fact that I was genuinely starting to love my life as it was.

How my life changed as a result

I know it sounds all fanciful and like one of those stories you hear and don’t totally believe happens to normal people, but I am as normal as they come and by approaching my fear directly and with love, my life was totally transformed with only 6 months.

It started slowly but opportunities started to appear that had my jaw drop.

First, it was a guy I worked with who showed up in my office to tell me he was leaving and that I should apply for his job. I knew by this time to take such occurrences as a big old sign from somewhere, so applied. Obviously I was successful in getting the job and turned out I ABSOLUTELY loved it. 10 weeks into that job, the big boss pulled me aside and asked me if I want the even better (and higher paying!!) version of that job…ummmmm YES! I had scored my dream job.

I also threw myself into dating again (making sure I approached it all with my new found mindset of love, not fear) and BOOM, I met my now husband on a night out at a local bar. He also happened to be a farmer and 6 months after meeting him I moved to the country, leaving behind a city I wasn’t really loving living in. I’ve never felt more at home where we now live together with our two babies.

So yeah, my life now couldn’t be more different to the one I was living only 3 years ago. This stuff is EPIC and it works FAST.

If you’re looking for this kind of transformation, which PS is just as possible for you as it was for me, I’m no more special than you are, then take this post as a sign that now might be a good time for you to take a step back and look at the role that fear might be playing in your life and how it means you’re approaching life.

Oh and I’m happy to help you do just that if you’re interested! Let me know HERE.

Fear and what it means for your life

Fear.

We’ve all heard of it. And no doubt, like me, your mind goes straight to those big scary things like shark attacks, spiders crawling on your face at night, ‘those’ conversations with people, creepy noises at night, death, you know, the usual scary stuff.

It’s time to consider how fear has shaped your life.

And we’re not talking those big old obvious fears I’ve just mentioned. We’re talking those everyday fears that keep you stuck where you are, in your comfort zone.

FEAR is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat which ultimately causes a change in behavior.

If your life currently isn’t all that you thought it would crack up to be, it’s highly likely (I can pretty much guarantee) that it all comes down to what you fear and how much you fear it.

Fear is keeping you stuck where you are, within your comfort zone, and the only way forward to the life that you’re after, is to take a big breath, step forward and bust through those fears. And you’ll find you have no choice in this when…

“…the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
- Tony Robbins

Let’s use my life as exhibit A, B, C and D.

You’ll see below that for every positive change I made in creating the life I now have, I first really hated where I was at (hello Quarter Life Crisis), faced the fear that was keeping me there and took action to bust through that aspect of my comfort zone.

The other awesome thing to note is…

“If you don’t step out of your comfort zone and face your fears, the number of situations that make you uncomfortable will keep growing”
- Theo Pistorius

So welcome fear. It’s telling, or sometimes forcing you, in the direction that you really need to be heading. I suggest you pay attention now or you’re just going to get more and more uncomfortable where you are until you decide to take action.

So anyway, back to my life examples…

My Relationships

There is so much fear that arises around relationship for most people and it totally has been like this for me. In THIS post I talk all about how I didn’t totally love my friends back during my Quarter Life Crisis. They were not at all who I should’ve been spending my time with (for a variety of reasons covered in the post) but I continued for quite some time to spend my time with them because I, both had a ton of fear, and it took me ages to get to that stage of uncomfortableness to take action.

My fears when it came to giving up these friends:

  • Giving them up as friends would mean that I would be a friendless loser.
    This wasn’t even remotely true as I soon discovered there were a ton of amazing people in my life that I now had the time to spend with.

  • I would perhaps someday regret that I hadn’t kept these people in my life.
    10ish years on and no, no regrets here (and as far as I’m aware they’re no longer friends with each other anyway…).

  • I was scared what the repercussions would be.
    Like would they key my car, publish all the embarrassing stuff they knew about me on social media, somehow get it out to the world that I sucked as a person?So, they didn’t really seem to care that I didn’t want to be friends anymore. Life just continued, drama free.

And in terms of boyfriends. Well, for me that was one big fat HELLO to fear. No wonder it took me so long to find my husband! I was OVERFLOWING with fear. I spend a good decade either single or in long term relationship with guys that were epic red flags. When I eventually had enough of being a professional third wheel with my married up friends, I decided to make a concerted effort to turn my love life around. Within only a few months of busting through the fears below, I met my now husband. Coincidence? Nope.

These were those fears and how I busted through them.

  • I would never really find lasting love.
    I decided that if ‘not so epic Jane’ down the road could find lasting love, I for sure must have a shot at it. Not to put Jane down or anything, but this comparison really helped me…If she can do it, why can’t I?

    And even if I didn’t find love, would that be sooooooo bad? I could come to terms with it if I had to and fill my life with everything I loved instead. Which PS is an incredibly healthy way to approach relationships anyway and is exactly what I did. Husband or not, I’ll have a life that makes me happy.

  • I’d end up with the wrong guy (AGAIN!!!) that would break my heart.
    Or, I could put myself out there and finally find the right guy or at least learn what I was actually looking for. I’d never know if I didn’t try. I had also had my heart broken enough to know that life does go on. And I would FOR SURE never find the right guy if I didn’t keep trying.

  • People would think I was a loser if I put myself out there by trying out dating apps/sites and asking people to set me up with any/all of their single friends.
    The whole, ‘OMG I met my husband randomly at the grocery store when we brushed hands going for the same apple’ just didn’t seem to be happening. Being cool and waiting for him to come to me wasn’t working and if I wanted something to happen, I knew I’d have to suck it up and REALLY get out there whatever way available to me. I knew a bunch of actually normal people who met their husbands on Tinder, so I had proof it might actually work.

    And also, what’s so shameful about wanting love and using all available means to get it? Isn’t that desperate? Not if your life is full of everything that you love as mine was, so you don’t have that ‘needy’ vibe synonymous with those desperate for love. I set myself up to be happy regardless.

  • The awkwardness of first dates and making a fool of myself.
    This was EPIC. As a recovered painfully shy child I have never loved putting myself into potentially awkward situations where I’m for sure about to be judged. Who really does though? The only way around this for me was again acknowledging that I wouldn’t find love if I avoided first dates. And what really did I have to lose? If it all turns shockingly horrible, who really cares? I’ll likely never seem him again and I get an awesome story to laugh over will all my friends.

So yeah, I had WHOLE LOTTA fear to work through with this issue and work through it I did. I put myself out there like there was no tomorrow (obv in a totally non slutty way!) and had a WHOLE LOTTA fun. I kid you not, turning my love life around actually ended up being genuine fun. I went on dates in all kinds of restaurants and bars I never would have gone to, met a bunch of interesting people and even went on the most epic overseas holiday with one guy I dated. And I learned how to ROCK first dates…not that that matters now anyway!

Enough about me. Let’s turn this to you now…

Where in your life are you uncomfortable and really want to change?

What are the fears keeping you where you are?

What action can you take to break on through these fears and get out of your comfort zone?

Why your life is mundane, boring, blah and crap

If you’re currently not really loving your life/it’s a bit of a snooze/you aren’t really sure what the deal is but you know that it’s not nearly as good as you’d thought it would be growing up/you spend hours upon hours on Google trying to find that new career, boyfriend, job, city to live in, apartment, clothes, sperm donor, friends, whatever it is you feel is currently missing…it’s time to have a look at your life.

And before you get all worried I’m going to go all deep on you, fear not, this will be (relatively) easy!

Tell me….what does your life involve?

What do you do each day? What’s your routine? Do you do the same stuff day in day out? Is your life super predictable?

The mundaneness of my life was THE key feature of my life during my Quarter Life Crisis. I was in a rut. Like a really deep rut that at the surface didn’t seem too bad but was, and had been for years, sapping the happiness out of me. I was like everyone around me, waking up on Monday, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, watching TV and going to bed. Rinse and repeat all week with perhaps the odd dinner out with friends and some exercise thrown in and a few somewhat interesting things on the weekend, but that was it.

Totally normal right? Yeah, normal but BORING as hell! And it was this boring and the desire for something better that drove me into my QLC and the years of trying to figure out if there was a better way to live life (..and pssssst there is).

There was nothing in this routine of a life that made me the kind of happy that I was as a kid (which, despite what we’re told, is still achievable as an adult…hallelujah!). I didn’t find any particular joy in my job (though the people I worked with were all kinds of awesome), my social life mainly involved drinking to excess (nothing particularly fulfilling there), I had no hobbies (mainly because I thought that was lame). I was a regular, passionless person.

Which as a side note was the #1 reason why my default relationship status was single. So take heed you single people out there that are looking for love, because the second I pumped some fun, passion and happiness into my life, my now husband appeared. Magic!

So what happened?

I had a big fat realization I was living 100% in my comfort zone.

And if I didn’t do something about that my life would continue for all my years to come being unfulfilling and lame and I’d end an old matron in the nursing home with nothing but a life full of regrets.

Comfort Zone…

For sure you’re all familiar with the term but do you really get its significance in your life? If you’re in a life you don’t love then allow me to answer that question for you and say no, you don’t, because it’s your comfort zone that is keeping you where you are.

Your comfort zone is designed to keep you safe and from facing the things that you fear.

The only thing is that is that the awesome life you want is waiting for you on the other side of that fear. You know that Roosevelt quote…

The only thing to fear is fear itself.

It is BANG on. Fear keeps you safe, paralyzed, too scared to pursue things that would give you the life that you want.

Are you too scared to take the leap and change careers to the one you REALLY want to be doing at 29 for fear of disappointing your parents, wasting your university education or starting again as the new kid?

Is there a list of things that you want to do but continually put them off because you’re just to lazy, ‘busy’ or whatever to break free from your routine?

Are you scared to try something new because you don’t want to be judged, make a fool of yourself or stand out? Are you constantly making what you know deep down are excuses to avoid putting yourself in new and potentially uncomfortable situations?

Well…

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Thank you Neale Donald Walsch, excellent words that I, and many, many, many people before me have proven. Face your fear, break through your comfort zone and it’s bloody AMAZING what happens. But more on that in the coming weeks…

For now though, really consider your life and be honest..

What is your comfort zone?

AND

What are you avoiding doing because of fear?

More on this coming oh so soon xx

How to increase your happiness...FAST!

In my last post, I talked about how simple mindfulness can be. It really is just a wonderful collection of personal practices that are designed to either:

Decrease worry OR increase happiness

And with the powers of these things combined, you end up with the a life you absolutely love and is a perfect reflection of you. Boom!

So let’s focus on the happy part of this equation.

What can you do RIGHT NOW to start pouring the happiness into your life?

To start with, and it took me FOREVER to get the memo on this one…

You aren’t going to have a happy life until you’re happy NOW.


I fought this one bad. Like how does that make any sense? I hate my life right now and I want a new one so why would I put any effort into liking the one that I’m currently stuck in? Life just isn’t being fair to me, none of this is my fault, I’m so hard done by, I deserve so much better, blah, blah, blah…

All that is exactly what went through my head when I first heard this fact (I feel like we need to talk eventually about how this isn’t something you’re taught growing up…) And yes, it does sound exactly what might come out of the mouth of some super irritating spoiled 5 year old.

Where was my responsibility in my own life? I didn’t realize that when you change the way you look at something, what you look at changes.

I look back now and I can still feel that feeling of fighting with life, the struggle, the desperation, the when’s is f#$%ing going to get good already. And all that fighting as doing was pushing the happiness that I wanted further and further away.

So if that’s where you’re at right now, take the advice of someone that’s been there before, give up the fight and try approaching life from a totally new angle. It’s time to get happy!

Here are 8 things you can start doing now to make get happiness pouring into your life:

  1. Take care of yourself

    I’ll talk about self-love later which runs a whole lot deeper than self-care (to which this refers) but self-care is an epic first step on the road to loving yourself.

    This is just treating yourself with basic respect and it will set the foundation for happiness. I’m talking things like sleeping the recommended 8 hours, minimizing the amount of junk you eat, alcohol you drink and being considerate generally about what you put in and on your body, exercising at least a few times a week to get those endorphins going (scientifically proven happiness right there!) and making sure you feel good about how you look. I hate to get all superficial on you but a nice dress and a bit of bronzer can go a long way in the whole making yourself feel good thing. And feeling good is on the road to happiness.

  2. Forgiveness

    You will NEVER be happy if you’re dragging around a whole lot of resentment, anger and whatever other negative feelings you might be harboring about people or events that have happened in your past. Now is the time to let them go because all that crap is doing is poisoning you and your life. Ever heard the quote ‘resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies’? Yeah that, it applies to you too.

  3. Acceptance

    This relates to my little rant in the intro to this list. You will never be truly happy until you accept (and that means accept responsibility) for where you are right now in your life.

    You are powerful. What you think, how you feel and how you act all determine your life. If you accept that you got yourself where you are now you are declaring that you also have the power to change it and create the future you want. Trust me, the faster you do this, the faster your life will change.

  4. Gratitude

    Gratitude is only the best thing that ever was. Practice gratitude and you will have no choice but to be happy with your life right now. I don’t care where you’re at right now, there are ALWAYS things to be grateful for.

    At a minimum, write a list at the end of each day of at least 5 things you are grateful for. I’d prefer it if you spent your whole day being super aware and noticing all the seriously cool stuff in your life because that alone will give you the most epic life ever, but as a realist, how about you go for somewhere in the middle?

    To get you started, appreciate the fact you have some piece of technology that allows you to read these words, not to mention your eyes and brain and the ability you have to think and process what I’m saying, your access to clean water, the roof over your head, your consistent access to food, the sun that shines on your face, the rain, clouds and all the awesomeness in nature around you, everything that goes into the cities where we live, the roads we drive on, the people we love, the services we use, the books we read, hopefully you get the drift… Have gratitude for it all.

  5. Enjoy the present moment

    Woohoo, it’s time to get super woo-woo! So yeah, the present moment, right this second, right NOW, is literally the only thing that we have. That meeting next week at work that you’re worrying about, that awkward conversation with your best friend that you keep replaying in your mind…all that does is take you out of this present moment. And as some genius said, ‘worrying is praying for what you don’t want.’ All those thoughts about moments that have past and are yet to come are just wasted energy, bringing about what you don’t want.

    It took me ages to really understand this but know that the longer you spend aware and appreciating this moment right now, the better your life will be.

  6. Follow your intuition

    Intuition is going with what feels right, ‘using your gut’ as opposed to using logic to make a decision. The thing that is super cool about your intuition is that it knows, like REALLY knows, what is best for you. It’s the real you trying to speak, the you that has been buried under a pile of random baggage that you’ve accumulated in your life thus far.

    Following your intuition often means stepping outside your comfort zone (more on that next) and into things that you may fear, like going against others’ (or your own!) expectations of yourself, daring to do something different to those around you, you know, the whole beating to your own drum/following your bliss thing which PS is what we are here to do and where you’ll find the epically awesome life that you’re searching for right now.

  7. Get outside your comfort zone

    This people, is a big old life game changer and a seriously awesome place to start if you’re all ‘what the’ about intuition and any of the woo-woo stuff that I’ve been chatting about (and it’s what I plan to bang on to you about for the next few weeks…it will be epic, I promise!).

    100% guaranteed that if you get out of your comfort zone you will experience all kinds of feelings of happiness, empowerment, awesomeness and just plain all lit up inside. It’s addictive.

    It’s also what made ALL the difference for me in getting unstuck and out of my Quarter Life Crisis. Getting out of your comfort zone is all about taking NEW action, which will bring you all kinds of clarity and start the momentum you need to create the awesome life you want.

    So get out there and do stuff that you’ve been putting off, that scares the pants out of you, that you’ve never even considered. DO. IT. ALL. The results will floor you.

    During my Quarter Life Crisis I started eating out at restaurants by myself, I took up golf, I said yes to all kinds of random invitations to events, parties and general hang outs that I would not have usually considered. I walked around new neighborhoods, I went on a ridiculous amount of dates, I started horse riding again, and a clothing label of all things… Not going to lie, I had to psych myself up to do a lot of these things but it was FUN and it made me feel alive and as a result I’m living a life that’s even better than the one I dreamed of.

  8. Stay light

    This is something that I have to remind myself about ALL the time. I’m a little bit of a perfectionist and tend to approach anything new through this frame thereby cutting off the opportunity for freedom, fun and happiness.

    So if you feel yourself getting serious when implementing any of the above, stop and remember to enjoy this process because happiness will bring you more happiness.

    Comment, questions? Please let me know!

All you need to know about mindfulness…

By now you’ve likely heard about mindfulness…it’s kind of a ‘thing’ at the moment isn’t it. But what really is it?

I stumbled upon mindfulness when I was oh so deep in my Quarter Life Crisis and really at a loss to do with my directionless, happinessless and generally crap life.

During the steep climb out of my Quarter Life Crisis, I really had no idea what this stuff was called that was so easily and 100%, totally and completely transforming my life into all the awesomeness it is now. It worked so I didn’t really care.

I did however recognize that there was something not so mainstream about all the book, blogs and podcasts I was consuming at such a completely frantic rate. I kept this new found knowledge and way of viewing life a mad secret from everyone around me for fear of being labelled some new aged crazy hippie freak and being cast out of my normal middle class life. Truth be told, there are still a whole lot of people that I wouldn’t talk this stuff with because I know it’s just a bit too left of center.

Enter the term MINDFULNESS…

The term mindfulness makes all this new age crazy hippie stuff more palatable for super regular people such as myself as well as a fair chunk of the world’s population. Labels can be super helpful and this one is no doubt how all this stuff has somehow become so mainstream. I mean, it’s made it to corporate land.

And now to pin down exactly what mindfulness is…

The first thing to understand and accept is that we are all 100% responsible for the state of our lives and how we feel about it.

Mindfulness encompasses a whole bunch of personal practices that empower you to take responsibility for your life AND improve its awesomeness by either:

  1. Decreasing worry

    If you’re suck in a Quarter Life Crisis or just not loving your life right now I can 100% guarantee your life is filled and over flowing with worry. Get rid of worry and your life improves.

    Understanding the power of your thoughts is key here and there are a ton of mindfulness practices that build awareness of your thoughts and improve your reactions to them. Living in the present moment and meditation are infinitely powerful here too.

    One of the absolute best ways to rid yourself of worry is to pour the happiness in, which brings us to the next point.

  2. Increasing happiness

    If you want your life to be happy then make it happy. Sounds retardely simple because it is. There’s no catch. Get happy and you’ll be, well, happy and everything that you want in life will come flowing your way.

    Practicing gratitude is a game changer here. As is getting out of your comfort zone and getting in touch with your true self (how hippie sounding is that PS?!) to fill your life with the things that light YOU up. It’s about making life that thing, what do they call it…FUN!!!!! Life is supposed to be fun you know, and the more of that you have the better.

There are a million different mindfulness practices and as many ways to practice them as there are people in the world. The thing to understand is that your mindfulness practice is personal to you and as long as you’re decreasing the worry in your life and focusing on pouring the happiness in then you’re on the right track using mindfulness to create a life that is 100% awesome.

Oh something super important to remember is the fact that you’ve even come across this mindfulness caper is a big fat sign that it’s time to get this stuff happening in your life. And you’ll find that until you do, life will keep throwing things at you that make this more and more necessary…like a Quarter Life Crisis perhaps?!?!

Sign up to my email list or join my super new Facebook Group if you’re at all interested in getting mindfulness happening in your life, the super simple, easy to understand Your Life Awesome way.

Do you have crap friends?

I used to. And a whole group of them too.

So part of the whole Quarter Life Crisis situation comes from that feeling like you’re just not living a life that reflects who you really are. Because I am obviously super special, pretty much every aspect of my life gave me that feeling (if you haven’t already check out my story HERE) but there was a particularly vivid period where my friends were completely at odds with who I was and really, well actually, completely sucked.

These friends were my high school friends that during high school were epic, super fun and just lit me up inside (I’m actually smiling now thinking of how awesome those years were). We did all the usual fun stuff, like laughing till we peed at anything and everything, epic sleepovers and experiencing and then dissecting all those young adult (how old does that phrase make me sound!?!) firsts together.

We continued to hang out well after high school but ever so gradually I could feel myself getting sucked down a rabbit hole with them that something deep inside of me was SCREAMING at me to avoid.

Not sure why or how it happened, but that epic and super fun group of girls turned into a super bitchy, dysfunctional and completely superficial mess of intense competition and horrifically awkward passive aggressiveness.

Everything became about all the usual superficial things like being seen at the ‘right’ places, with the ‘right’ people, wearing the ‘right’ clothes or tearing down which ever ‘friend’ happened to not be present. It makes me tired just thinking about it and how hard I felt I needed to try to keep up and be liked by them.

These people were sucking my soul.

And this brings us to the most awesome part of one’s Quarter Life Crisis…the MASSIVE and LIFE CHANGING opportunity it gives you to re-evaluate and ensure that you don’t settle anything less than the life that you should, and deep down know, you could be living i.e. to not waste your time with crap friends.

Like every challenge my Quarter Life Crisis presented, I had two options:

  1. Ignore the part of me that was screaming at me to and ditch these friends, give up and become just like them ensuring a miserable life of endlessly trying to be someone I’m just not.

    OR

  2. Listen to that screaming voice (which PS, was the real me), have some courage, take a big step outside my comfort zone, ditch the friends, give up all the pointless effort to fit in with them and have a chance at genuine happiness.

Racing = trying to fit in/keep up with/pretend you like friends that suck!

Racing = trying to fit in/keep up with/pretend you like friends that suck!

All well and good in theory right? Bloody hard in practice. Like who wants to be friendless in their 20s, when there is so much friend fun to be had?! What kind of hideous recluse would I be destined to become?

These thoughts kept me paralyzed for quite sometime but that inner screaming voice just wouldn’t stop once is got started (and pssst, if you’ve got one yelling at you right now, it’s not going to stop either) and only got louder and louder until events unfolded in a way that allowed me to burn my bridges with these friends like there was no tomorrow.

Friendlessness it was…or so I thought.

This is just one examples of about 1000000 I can give you in my life (and others can attest to as well) that listening to that inner voice ALWAYS pays off. I wish I could express in words just how well that inner voice knows what is best for you and trusting it is all you have to do.

Once I cleared the decks in my life for new people, I realized I actually had a ton of other and unsurprisingly way more healthy friends I could hang out with. I had more time to spend with my family, who I hadn’t quite appreciated until then for all their awesomeness, started back doing things I loved like horse riding and took up new things like golf (pretty random I know!) and met a ton of WAAAAAAAY more awesome people that guess what, made me feel awesome too.

I know it’s hard but seriously take a look at the people in your life and really consider whether they are there helping or hindering your happiness…

And PS if you want any help with that, lemme know xx

Embrace the Woo-Woo

Hands up in you're not really into this 'woo-woo' stuff...

As a super regular, relatively 'normal' person, when I first came across this mindfulness stuff I too was all 'that's for weirdo hippy freaks and I don't like incense' and went back to being all lost, confused and disillusioned my life thinking I knew better.

Unsurprisingly my quarter life crisis got more and more annoying and as this happened more and more books, podcasts, random conversations and the like kept coming my way about mindfulness, the universe and all this 'woo-woo' stuff.

Eventually I decided to pay attention, try something totally new and I am grateful every single day that I did because I learned the key to living the best life ever. 

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I still struggle with this whole 'woo-woo' thing from time to time because these ideas aren't particularly mainstream (although they are becoming more so) and who wants to be different, even if it does mean an epic, amazing life?

It took me years to start a meditation practice (which can literally be as simple as sitting in your car and just concentrating on your breath for 5 minutes before you drive anywhere...which is generally what I do) because again I figured my lack of wind chimes and the soothing sounds of dolphin calls on my iPhone meant it wasn't for me. 

In those times I remind myself that I'm here to live my life in a way that makes me happy, not to exist just to fit in. And when it comes down to it, you can live mindfully and think whatever you want about life without having to scream it from the rooftops.

It is your own personal and private journey. It's up to you how you live your life.


Even though I've accepted a totally new way of viewing myself and the world around me, I still don't consider myself to be any less normal or regular than I ever have been. I'm just a super blessed, WAY happier, more at peace version of myself that's also living a life that I now seriously love!

The beautiful thing about all this is that when you're ready to learn this stuff, it will appear in your life (like right now HINT HINT!!!) and will keep appearing until you take notice. You may also have super fun stuff happen like say, a quarter life crisis, to make you sit up and REALLY take notice. 

And if this is you now, you are seriously one of the lucky ones! Pay attention, go with it and try something new, because that's how you get all the good stuff that you want. 

And remember that you don't have to become a woo-woo hippie freak in the process of accepting it all. You can still be you! So go forth without any fear and if it helps, know that I'm right here beside you doing the same thing. 

Mindfulness?

So, mindfulness? It sounds super vague doesn’t it? And like it's just another one of those passing things that will disappear into the ether in a few months to come. 

So what’s the deal????

I like to think of mindfulness as being aware (and therefore a little more in control) of all the stuff that goes on in your head that completely doesn’t serve you and makes life harder, crapper and more difficult i.e. mindfulness = a better life!

The best bit is that literally anyone and everyone can become more mindful. It’s easy if you know what tools to use and how best to use them for you.

HINT: Sign up to my email list or follow you on Facebook or Instagram @yourlifeawesome and all that info will come your way!

And what will mindfulness do for you????

1. Life will be easier.

You won’t be stuck worrying about the future or going over and over and over all the crap from your past. You’ll be free to focus instead of thoughts that serve you in the best possible way.

2. You'll live in the NOW, where nothing is wrong.

NOW is all we have. My bestie (I wish!) Eckhart Tolle does this in EPIC details (go check him out, you’ll thank me!) but seriously consider this present moment. There really is nothing but amazingness in each passing moment. Now is where you’ll find that whole inner peace thing.

3. Hello epic clarity!

With awareness comes clarity. Shut the chatter in your mind up and you’ll have the space (and relief!) to just be you.

Ever been super annoyed by a TV or a unnecessarily loud conversation right behind your head on the bus because you just couldn't think. That's how the you, behind all that chatter feels...all the time! Give it a break and allow yourself to listen...to yourself! 

Totally sounds crazy I know...but really isn't that what having a 24/7 conversation with yourself is anyway?! 

4. With clarity comes transformation.

Spend time just being you (without all the unnecessary chatter and commentary) and you life has no choice but to transform into the one you crave deep down.

And that’s the EPICNESS of mindfulness in a handful of words. Barely does it justice but I hope it gets you thinking...in the most mindful way of course.

I will go into it all the concepts here in heaps more details in the weeks to come so stay tuned!